SO WHAT IS IN YOUR TOOL BOX?
By Dr. Bev

In an effort to assist clarifying what the meaning of acquiring good coping skills is I would like to give an illustration that might help.

Having grown up in a family of mechanics, tools were always around. One of the prize possessions for a mechanic, or any handyman for that matter, was a large multi-drawer tool chest. Each drawer would hold various tools that could be accessed for various jobs.

I remember several years ago, when I needed to use a certain tool for some mundane household project, going to my son’s tool chest and finding just the right tool. When my little project was complete I returned to tool to the chest. From my perspective, returning the tool to the right place was all that was necessary. Later that week my son was doing some work on his vehicle and mentioned to me that I must have been using his tools. When I inquired as to how he knew that he remarked that the tool had not been replaced correctly. Feeling a bit defensive I said that I had indeed placed it exactly where I borrowed it. He chuckled and said that I had indeed chosen the correct drawer but I had not placed the tool in the correct position in the drawer and when he is working on his car he doesn’t have to look at his drawer, he simply reaches in and takes the tool in the correct position for using it. I had replaced it backwards and he knew the moment he picked up the tool. We laughed and I learned a lesson for tools in the life of a mechanic.

Tools for life are just as important. I will refer to the capacity to use the correct coping skills in life as tools as we continue in the application. Tools for life give us the capacity to reach into our toolbox at the appropriate moment of need and find the right tool to assist with the need of the moment. Having a large selection of tools gives us the ability to cope with the stressors of living in an unpredictable world. As much as we would like to believe that we could manage our lives, we are reminded on a daily basis that we are totally dependent on God our Heavenly Father for the wisdom and strength to make sense of our unpredictable worlds. God has given to each of us the capacity to use His good gifts at various moments of need to survive the storms that will come.

Let me use the illustration of how futile it would be for us to have only one tool in our toolbox. If all we had was a large hammer and every time we reached into our toolbox that was all we could find, we would never survive. The large hammer is akin to the use of alcohol. When stress comes into our lives and we find relief with a drink or two; or when we want to celebrate and all we can find is the large hammer to use; or when we suffer an unexpected loss and reach for the tool and find only a large hammer, we will end up hurting ourselves and others.

If we have learned how to use the various tools that are available we will survive many storms and find our toolbox increasing in value and usefulness for as we use a variety of tools we find we seek out ones that work even better. That is like an upgrade to my tools or an addition to my toolbox with just the right tool.

Here are some of the tools that might be helpful in coping with the unexpected as we as the unpredicted storms of life:
1. Try to truly take in a sunset or sunrise rather than hurrying through the day.
I sat still this evening and watched the sun slip down the horizon with a beautiful red glow reminding me of a good day tomorrow.
The tool of God’s always present creation.
2. Try lingering a little longer after the evening meal and just enjoy the one(s) you are sharing the meal with.
The tool of relationships that touch our lives.
3. Try spending some time in silent prayer with God our Creator and Heavenly Father.
The tool of faith and trusting in His goodness.
4. Try doing something for someone else just because you want him or her to know they are loved.
The tool of unselfish giving.
5. Try doing something kind for yourself that allows you to relax. The tool of self-care.
The list will go on and on and your toolbox will become filled with the many choices you can have to make each day meaningful in spite of the stressors of life.

Give us some feedback as to how you have been able to place tools in your personal toolbox of life. We hope to have regular articles by each of the counselors that will be helpful to you. We’d love to hear from you.