CC COUNSELING
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Grief and Loss

 

 

 

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The Door of Humility

Death of a loved one requires the net of a hundred living hands to catch you when you fall apart in defeat from trying to mold invisible form into the matter it once was.  Nothing reveals our vulnerability more than the desperate seeking of who we lost. I do not conduct grief and loss sessions with the goal of “getting over” your loss. Death is too ancient to "get over" on. Getting over reminds me of liars who “get over on” someone with a lie.  Death doesn’t lie. Grief is the most logical answer to something so truthful that it leaves the living at a loss. Grief expresses the depth of profound love a human being possess but doesn’t always use until the moment of departure.

 I have worked with many people who have lost loved ones in horrific ways and never felt right telling them to get over it nor quick to express the pleasantries that make them feel better like “They are in a good place; It was meant to be; give it time; just get over it; part of life.” There things are only said to make the person saying feel better. It does nothing for the grieving.  

 I do not place expectations on your process with where you should be in acceptance.  You will have days where you will feel peace and you will have nights where you can smell the skin of the deceased. I will merely assist you in finding ways to make that embrace feel real through deepening our dialogue that includes who you have lost. 

Grief therapy is akin to paying homage to life and death. Whereas many people visit the cemetery a few times a year to pay respect; the person who comes into my office is also paying respect to their loss. They are not looking to forget but to adjust. Perhaps even express the intensity of emotions that lighten them through insight and meaning. Or sometimes just crying or screaming. Grief is not depression. It is love crying. I will not tell you to stop crying. I will give you time to cry because you will eventually exhaust yourself and stop, but that doesn’t mean you will ever stop missing who you love or loving who you miss. Grief and loss sessions touch deeply on what is spiritually acceptable by you. If not spiritual, then engaging the meaning is encouraged. The main goal is getting out what you need and must. It will not always make sense; but neither does death.